Since I didn't get to everything on my to do list today I was finishing up one last to-do tonight. I was sitting on my bed with a few of Lilly's books and some tape. Most of them were pop-up or lift-the-flap and naturally she, at nine months, had ripped parts of the books out. At the end of one of the lift-the-flaps there are animals from the story that pop-up. She would get so excited over them that she would just rip them right off of the page! Anyway, I sat there,on my bed, exhausted, and I taped each little piece and each little animal back where it belonged. Then I got to thinking....
As a mommy, and wife too actually, I find myself going "above and beyond" the call of duty, if you will. I find I concern myself with the smallest of details and feel the need to make things as perfect as possible for Lilly and for Rod. I also thought about how Lilly is incapable of appreciating (or at least she's incapable of saying it) my fixing the books at her age. I thought about how she could probably care less that I homemake all of her food and wouldn't know the difference if I gave her a jar of baby food (which she did have jarred food early on because I wasn't familiar enough with certain foods to make it myself lol). Why did I feel the need to tape the little pieces of paper and cardboard back onto those pages? Why do I continually annoy my husband with questions at dinner about whether it's good or not; what flavors does he taste the most? Would he eat it again? I aim to please. Although I think this can be a personality trait, I think that all mommies want to please.
When I was teaching, I wanted nothing more than for my students to feel loved and successful. As a teacher you are, in the spotlight, on stage, in charge. You're the center of those 25 little minds' and hearts' attention for a short period of time, if you're lucky, each day. You're their role model; their support, encouragement, authority, friend, their everything! And what did I get in return? APPRECIATION. Attention.
Also when I was working I enjoyed hearing what my observer thought of me as a teacher after an evaluation (if it was positive of course!). Just to hear "good job," or "nice work," or to just feel an imaginary pat on the back was truly worth something. IMPORTANT POINT: I have an amazing husband who recognizes this and does everything in his power to give me that "pat on the back" and he shows his appreciation. I am blessed for that! However, there is just something about being "out there" in the work force, making obvious changes in children's lives where you feel like you've truly made a difference. Can anyone relate to this???
Don't get me wrong; I do not for one second take advantage of my staying home with Lilly. I am still learning what it's all about. I am still learning who God wants me to be and what more I can do for His glory! I'm sure me getting a pat on the back is not part of that will. I think it's just human nature to know we have pleased someone in all of the hard work we've put toward something. It's human to want (or need) to be noticed, appreciated, SEEN! However, we truly should focus on pleasing God and we should aim for HIS pat on the back for us (even though it doesn't always come when we want it to).
Jesus said not to be "showy" (in much, much better words, though).
Matthew 6:1 Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your father in heaven.
Matthew 6:4 ...Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
To circle back to fixing Lilly's books; I didn't fix them to earn appreciation. I didn't fix them hoping someone would "notice". I fixed them because I wanted to. I wanted something that Lilly loved to be exactly how she wanted it to be. I wanted to restore the books that she enjoys so much. I wanted to do it. I think many mommies can relate to this feeling. We just "do stuff" because we aim to please. We want our children and our families to be happy and content. We will do anything in our power to make these things happen (not sure this is just a mommy thing-I think many women care about their families this way!!)
So of course this related back to Jesus Christ. God wanted to save the world from our suffering; Even though we brought it upon ourselves. He thoroughly thought out a plan to create a human being that was part man and part God- to die for us. The craziest thing about it is that Jesus wanted to do it. He willingly suffered due to all of our imperfections. Willingly suffered.
I think that when I became a parent the whole idea of God being my Father, who loves me and wants what is best for me, really started to sink in. I get it now. Jesus wanted to die so that I could live. This truth truly helps me accept his forgiveness for all of my goof ups in life. Now I can only hope that Lilly recognizes my care for her and will always do what I want her to do. ;)
Just kidding.
God is good all the time!
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