Wow. How ignorant of me. I must have forgotten in that moment where I have been. I must have forgotten how lost I had become at one time; how untrusting I was; how angry and abandoned I felt. I still suffer from guilt for mistakes I've made and for choices I wish I could go back and change. I also struggle to live up to His standards-well none of us can-and keep faith that He loves me even when I make mistakes.
The most impressionable church I went to when I was younger completely skewed the way I saw God. I was continually confused about what it meant to be a Christian and what God's role in my life was. I went to church, I prayed, I cried a lot. I was a good kid, nice to others. Why didn't it feel right? Why did I feel like the least of them when I walked through the church doors? Why didn't I feel accepted by the kids who had formed their clicks in children's church? Why wasn't life getting any better?
Isn't that the big question? God, I'm doing what I'm supposed to; why aren't things getting better? I guess I now understand my role as a Christian to bring God glory. I am His disciple and I am to spread His word. Since I still don't know the Word very well, I guess I'll have to use my actions more than my words to display love, compassion, and encouragement to other people (Until I become more knowledgeable of the Bible, of course).
Another issue I had in church was "How do I become like them?" I constantly observed and admired the "happy" people in church. They had nice clothes, nice cars, lots of jewelry. They seemed to have a peachy life and they also seemed to love God SOOOOO much. More than anyone else in fact (or at least it seemed like they were trying to display that). So how do I get to the other side? How do I get to the non-sinner's side? How do I become "perfect?" How can I become one of them?
It's taken me a long time to figure this all out. Quite frankly I'm still trying to figure it all out. The Bible study that I'm doing of Matthew is continuing to change my life. We are reading Matthew chapter 6 this week. Some of the questions that I am required to answer are as follows:
(Matthew 6:1 to 18)
What do you learn from these verses about the Christian's responsibility to other people?
What do you learn from these verses about the Christian's relationship to God?
In what ways do Christian's sometimes use religious activity to gain the approval of others?
If you read Matthew 6:1 to 18 this will make a lot more sense to you. While talking with my husband about these questions, it really took me back to the church I grew up in. I started to think, "Maybe those people really were genuine. Maybe I was the one being so judgmental." I wonder sometimes if I went back to that church and sat through a few services if I would see things differently than I used to. I remember being so confused and just wanting someone to explain to me how to be a Christian.
I don't think this is a situation that only happens to children. In my adult life I have also felt confused and wondered what it really means to be a Christian and to serve God. Sometimes I wish I would have begun figuring all of this out before I became a wife and a mommy. I feel like I would've had so much more time and energy to focus on it-no distractions. However, I think God is using my being a wife and a mommy to teach me things about Him and about who I am supposed to be. I'm very thankful for that.
Now to go back to my ignorant statement-Nothing is easy in life. I do believe that we go through mountains and valleys. I also believe that these mountains and valleys are working toward a greater good. I firmly believe that we must praise Him regardless of our circumstances (Although this could be one of the hardest things in life!). I also believe that He will not give us something to deal with in our life that we truly cannot handle. One of the principles in my Bible study this week was "God will enable us to do what He commands." If He wants something to work towards His good, why would He leave us without the tools to fulfill it?
So, is it easy to be or become a Christian? Not necessarily. Think about the persecution around the world for people who claim to be Christians; especially in other countries. Is it the right choice or the best choice for your life? I believe it is. So forgive me for my ignorant statement and know that I am always working on my own faith and wanting to help others come to it.
No comments:
Post a Comment