"I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it." Philippians 4:10
For the longest time I gave God no opportunity to show His love for me. I remember getting in a car accident once and how fortunate I was that it was not worse. I remember thanking God for protecting me but then going right back to my self-indulged life. As quickly as I forget Him, He remembers me.
I've been overwhelmed with the mistakes from my past. He has cleansed and forgiven me, yet I struggle to forgive myself. I'm my biggest critic. I wrote this poem several months ago to try and let go of my shame.
**Who I am
To my friends in high school and college
When you hear my name you might think
"Awe, she was so nice."
And it's not that I'm not....
I just wasn't living right.
Sometimes I wish that I could go back
But God says Forget it. You're better than that.
See when I get disgusted with myself
He reminds me,
Your sins? I've tossed them away
Far behind me.
He's forgotten. I'm forgiven.
And so I can keep livin'.
Many times I've asked "Who am I?"
Even as a child
And when I start to think about it
My mind starts running wild
I grew up in church,
Hurt by many there.
How I was treated,
Made me think God didn't care.
So the world began to pull me
Away from being mended
So far off the path
He had graciously intended
I tried to fit in here,
I longed to fit in there
But what I was searching for,
On this earth
Was nowhere.
Was I an athlete?
Potentially.
A musician?
Not completely.
If only I had realized His waiting
So sweetly.
Many things I did
Were what I thought someone else would do
And so a wishy-washy young lady grew
From what to wear
And who to hang with
To activities in school
It wasn't that I need approval
Or that I wanted to be "cool"
There was a void needing filled
Earthly life, with my mind was toying
Even sports teams were a confusion (we all know that one's been annoying)
If only I had been who I am today
No doubt
Many might be following Him right now
Here's what's so great about our Christ
He always gets everything
EVERYTHING right
His timing
His plan
His thoughts and ideas
Are of perfect harmony
With the ones He adores
So as I drifted further away
His plan never did sway
As long as lines run parallel
His grace, love, and protection
Were my miracle
When MY life that I planned
Didn't go well
He picked me up
And kept me from hell.
The impact I could have made haunts me some
But Christ did say
Because I am the ONE
Your sins are forgiven
And I was the cost
Now live for me
Your life is not lost.
Yes, Christ made me whole
Cleansed me
Made me more pure
Even though I couldn't take back
All I'd done before
And as time's gone on my question no longer stands
For I'm not asking,
I'm telling you WHO I AM**
If you feel shame or guilt about things you've done, seen or places you've been in your life, please know there is a living God who loves you. Whether you love, serve, believe in Him or not, He is still your Creator and He wants a relationship with you.
No comments:
Post a Comment