I sit here longing to write and my head is spinning with so much that I can't even get anything on the screen....

Loneliness? Sadness? Isolated? I'm not sure how I feel right now but it's odd and not fun whatever it is!

I recently wrote about how focusing on self can cause pain, frustration, rejection...loving Jesus can also result in such things.

I feel pain for people I love who don't believe. 
I feel frustration when people won't listen to or believe God's truths. 
I feel rejection for loving Jesus because so many people don't.

Quick background-growing up in church I viewed people at different levels of Christianity. There were the Sunday morning church goers who slipped in and out the back, the three-night-a-weekers who caused me to feel I didn't go enough, the elites, the choir members who I longed to be, the hypocrites, and many within such groups who just seemed to have it all together. Oh how I wanted to have it all together. 

So with my distorted view, I gradually strayed away from all of it. I kind of created my own little gray area; did what I wanted, prayed, asked for forgiveness, did what I wanted, and the cycle began again. 

Once I was finally transformed, which was several months before I married my Boo I was disgusted by who I once was. Shame overwhelmed me, but Christ's sacrifice and love is what saved me. 

As Rodney and I have tried to pray, listen and obey the Lord, it has not been easy. There has been pain, frustration, and rejection. There has been doubt, fear, worry. Anybody can feel these things, but when you feel so strongly that you've made a decision that you feel God has laid out for you, these emotions are extremely discouraging. 

It's important to me that the people I care about understand our path. 

*Moving was fun and it was hard.
*I loved Tennessee and I wish more of our friends could have come to visit, but we weren't there very 
 long and we visited Ohio so much, people didn't have to come to us! 😝
*I found a huge part of me while living in Tennessee. I made breakthroughs in my faith that have   
 changed my life. They have equally brought me joy and pain. The more knowledge you have of God's 
 word the more pain you feel for non believers. 

*Not having family closer than a six hour drive was hard.
*Deciding to move to Colorado was difficult but also felt so very right. 
*Being in this part of the country has been refreshing and exciting. 
*Moving to Colorado has been a nightmare (aside from having a place to stay for no cost!!). 
    We had issues with movers in Tennessee, the house we had put a deposit on didn't work out, we 
    currently don't have a place to live and our things will arrive in Colorado soon. Yippee!

Following God's will may not be easy but it will be worth it. The closer I come to the Lord the more the enemy attacks. Yeah that Satan guy, he's real too.

Let me go back to my self post. If we will feel pain, frustration and rejection by thinking only of ourselves, why not suffer these things knowing where we'll spend eternity? Why not suffer for a cause? Why not suffer for something other than ourselves knowing there will be reward? If the same suffering is going to happen no matter what, why not choose light over darkness? The Son over Satan? 







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