Undeniable Grace

I read a post about one of the officers who was killed in the Dallas shooting. I bawled my eyes out as I gave my three year old daughter a bath tonight. The last sentence was of the man's father sharing what the officer's two year old daughter said when she saw him lying there dead, "'Dada.' She cried out for her father, 'Dada.'" You can read the story here  http://www.stripes.com/news/us/officer-killed-in-dallas-shootings-had-survived-3-tours-in-iraq-1.418138 Do these killers ever read these stories after it's all said and done? Do they think about the numerous lives impacted by the deaths of the people they murdered? Do they think about the wives, husbands, sons, daughters, infants, mothers, fathers, when they're shooting, killing, murdering?  No. They can't.  They can't imagine the pain caused by their actions. They have no clue what they're doing. Pure evil resides in them stemmed from hurt, anger, fear..... I kissed my daughter...

I read this just this morning: "I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it." Philippians 4:10  For the longest time I gave God no opportunity to show His love for me. I remember getting in a car accident once and how fortunate I was that it was not worse. I remember thanking God for protecting me but then going right back to my self-indulged life. As quickly as I forget Him, He remembers me .  I've been overwhelmed with the mistakes from my past. He has cleansed and forgiven me, yet I struggle to forgive myself. I'm my biggest critic. I wrote this poem several months ago to try and let go of my shame.  **Who I am To my friends in high school and college  When you hear my name you might think "Awe, she was so nice." And it's not that I'm not.... I just wasn't living right.  Sometimes I wish that I could go back But God says Forget it. You're b...

I haven't written in a LONG time and my heart has changed quite a bit since the last post. My heart has grown, as I now have two precious children and not just sweet Lilly. Charlie came to us in Chattanooga, Tennessee in October 2014. He's such a sweet toddler now!! Twenty months today! My heart has also grown in my faith. My heart has been heavy since I recently studied Revelation with BSF. God's mercy and justice were perfectly married together in ways even the most talented writer couldn't have come up with! But my heart is heavy for those who do not believe. I'm now studying Romans with my Mom and the truths that Paul shares should be heard by all. Romans 2:8 says "But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger." I've been here. I've been self-seeking, doing for myself only, thinking of MY life, what makes ME happy, what path I want to follow, what plans I want to make. When things did...

My most thoughtful time of the day is when I'm rocking Lilly to sleep. Her room is dark and cozy. As I sit in our self-assembled Ikea rocking chair I take in the lullaby playing, the comfortable temperature, the sweet baby smells, the sound of Lilly breathing in my arms, and just the overall peace of the room. I think and think and think.  Many times I just pray. As I try to patiently wait for her to be in a deep enough sleep so that I can put her in her crib I pray for numerous people. This actually helps me stay patient because it gives me something to do. :) I have found in the past few months that I am more prayerful than I have ever been in my life. Not only do I thank God for the many blessings around me but I pray for things I need or for what I think/know others need. The other day I found myself wondering if I ask too much of God. Night after night I sit in that chair and I think and I pray. I pray for people who have asked me to pray. I pray for people who I know are in n...

Rodney and I dread the topic when it comes up but it's something that we must figure out, and soon! Lilly's sleep habits. She started out creating her own schedule when she was one to two months old. Once I went back to work (she was six weeks), her routine really developed as my mom and mother-in-law watched her each day. She never really slept a ton, as her parents are both very social, and she was just always wanting to know what was next! Around two months, I was so exhausted from getting up with her at night and being back to work, I decided to just have her sleep with us. We read up on it and everyone ended up getting more sleep.  Once we started looking at houses in Tennessee and traveling back and forth she was about four months old. We stayed in hotels where Lilly slept in the bed with us and it seemed like she was doing well with sleep. The car ride was an issue because she had become a tummy sleeper (butt up in the air actually) and so the sleep problems began. She n...

It still hasn't really hit me that she is one. I was taping pictures to a poster board that I had taken of her each  month and it was weird to think that I wouldn't be doing that anymore. I felt like a piece of my life and my time had come to an end. No more counting down. No more baby, just big girl from here on out! As I looked around the noisy room taking it all in, I felt the love that surrounded us. Although not everyone was able to come to Lilly's party, I knew that they were thinking of her and cared about her special day. To see the smiling faces, hear laughter, and see Lilly crawl all over that room with such joy on her face, couldn't have made me happier. To see the joy of your child is like breathing in the fresh air of the first days of spring. There's a peace; a happiness; a fulfillment; a relief. The more I reflected on the special people who surrounded us I was reminded of how we were made in His image. The love, care, concern, friendship, relationshi...